August 05, 2017

Slim Being, Health Guru: A Lifetime of Lethargy

Are there any fitness nuts in your office? Bodybuilders?  Triathletes perhaps?  If so, then you know “that guy” to whom I’m referring. He walks, rather struts, from cubicle to cubicle, at ease in his tapered shirt and slim-fitting khakis.  His vocabulary is a tapestry of phrases such as “amino acid recovery”, “glycemic overload”, and “high-intensity, high-impact cardiovascular threshold expansion intervals.”  And he is always certain to pay special attention to the young, corporate cuties:  flashing his bleached white smile to their respondent giggles and coos.

anaerobic capacity
we stumble over
his words

As overbearing as “that guy” is, you can take some comfort in the knowledge that his day of reckoning is coming.  For part and parcel with his comments regarding “stamina enhancement through periodization” are the subtle, but increasing, complaints about stiff joints and tight muscles.  Beginning as humble-brags, “a little sore from that 25 km run yesterday”, his tender tweaks grow into painful injuries that, ultimately, result in surgeries.  There is an important truth that the high performance athlete never seems to understand:  any one set of ankles, any one set of knees, and any one lower back can only withstand so much movement in the course of one lifetime.  “That guy” uses all of his movement in one fitful, early burst, only to find himself restrained to his couch for a long, and agonizing, lifetime of lethargy thereafter.

ice pack
he cools
his ambition

Here at, we recognize the value of balance, both day-to-day and over the course of our lives.  We encourage you to learn from, and avoid, the mistakes of “that guy”.   Don’t waste your time and effort engaged in excessive exercises that lead to an early, and painful, retirement on the couch.  Circumvent the problem by getting on the couch NOW!  The couch is your final destination.  Best to sit or, for the sedentarily ambitious, lie back to enjoy the benefits of a pain-free dormancy before it is too late.  To help you in transition, we suggest the following link:

world of wonder
the life I lead
through Discovery

Contemporary Haibun Online, October 2016

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